Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
