just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
