Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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