Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
