Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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