I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
