Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
