I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
