In the future we'll all be gay
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
