someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
