he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
