Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
