he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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