i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
