Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
