Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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