My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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