she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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