i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
