I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
