He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
