Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
