um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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