if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
