That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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