hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
