my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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