she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
