Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think my tv is drunk
Is it because I queefed?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
