Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
