dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
