so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
