Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
