I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
