$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
