my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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