We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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