i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine