im drinking this country out of the recession.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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