Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
