chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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