Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis