If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities