Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard