the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
