Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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