I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
