I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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