Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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