I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
