Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
