i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we should paint friendship bongs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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