respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
