I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The power of my boobs compel you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up under a house in Key West
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