i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
