Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
