Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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