I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
