I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
