paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize