It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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