i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
