she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
