I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this boner is exhausting
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
