i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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