god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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