he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
