Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
