hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize