Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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